It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
