This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
