Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
