I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
