Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
