At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
