I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
