I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
