"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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