Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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