I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
