Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
