Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
