Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
