Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
