I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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