In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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