It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
