I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
