I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
