This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
