Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
