Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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