how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
