Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
