Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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