Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
