What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
