You're my little dorito
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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