Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
