It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
