probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
