Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
