I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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