then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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