We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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