it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
