Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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