Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
