.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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