he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
