ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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