quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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