ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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