He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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