I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
