LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
