I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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