I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this boner is exhausting
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
