Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
