bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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