new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
